| It's very convenient having a place to write where no one involved will read it |
[Aug. 23rd, 2009|02:22 am] |
...but other people I care about still will.
My three biggest failures with women are eerily similar.
The first one involves a girlfriend, I hadn't seen her for a while, she had been out of town. While away, she calls and says "when I get back, we need to talk". Two weeks later she gets back, we meet up as soon as we can, I lean in for the kiss, she only wants to hug, so the kiss ends up on her neck. Three hours later, she begins the break-up by saying "you should have given me a real kiss".
The second one was a colleague, who I met at a bar. I had had a thing for her, but she had told me I was too young for her. She begins the conversation with telling me about a pretty big sacrifice she had made for me, in a professional setting, and it was a pretty big deal for me. I was really quite touched that she would do that, it wasn't something I had expected. After she finishes, she leans in for a kiss, but I misinterpret it as a hug. Awkwardness. Two hours later, she's lying in my bed, and we kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and it was wonderful. But it ends there. I can't help but wonder if more had happened if I hadn't misinterpreted her body language.
The third one happened very recently. Another kinda-colleague, who I had had a thing for even longer ago says "the thing is, I'm in a steady relationship, but I really want to kiss you right now". It came out of nowhere, I honestly could never had imagined it. I say I'm flattered, and that I always felt that she had been out of my league. I give her a hug, and move in to kiss her forehead (one of my all-time favorite things). She misinterprets it, and is inches away from a real kiss.
I haven't gotten that kind of affirmation in forever, but I keep replaying those split-seconds in my head, wondering what I could have done differently, and if it could have ended better.
As she leaves, she says "you never know what will happen".
Thirty minutes later, I finally have closure with a fourth girl, who once and for all says no. Who might be the the one I'm supposed to be with, but now we'll never know. Who might be the reason for all my hesitance. And that was a very, very good night.
I know this all sounds very high school, but that's what LJ is for. Banality is not a crime. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|07:19 pm] |
It's nice to know that this is somewhere I can write without anyone from Sweden, except maybe a few siblings, will read.
I'm incredibly frustrated with a few close friends, and will be for a few more days. After these few days are over, things will be alright again, and that's a nice solace. But fuck (!), I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. |
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| Communiqué |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|12:55 pm] |
I don't know who's reading this, but I'm in portland, and if anyone wants to hang out, get in touch! I probably won't make it to any other city though, I'm afraid.
Over and out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2009|02:45 pm] |
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It's saturday. I think. I'm in Berlin for what must be one of the most awesome events in the world for up and coming film makers. Life is good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2009|02:29 pm] |
To people in LA: go watch Greetings from Slussen, a film my very dear friend Ylva directed and I edited, at the Scandinavian Film Festival on saturday.
http://www.scandinavianfilmfestivalla.com/current-schedule.php
There are a bunch of other good films screening too, I recommend Kautekino Rebellion, Involuntary, and Everlasting Moments. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2008|02:24 am] |
Today was one of the stranger and more intense days I've had for a while. I might write something about it in a couple of days.
Skott. |
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| Tom |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|10:17 pm] |
I don't really have words for how amazing Tom Waits was. People will ask, and to my sisters I'll say it was as amazing as when they saw Dolly Parton, to my brothers Depeche Mode, to mom Bulat Okudzhava, and so on. Ale and I decided nothing we can think of could be better, other than impossible things like Miles Davis circa 1960, Jimi Hendrix, or something like that. But even that is a maybe.
( So yeah, no words, really. ) |
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| Numb as a motherfucking cucumber. |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|11:21 am] |
For those of you that have Tom Waits' The Black Rider, there's a track on there called "Russian Dance". I play that on repeat nowadays, and that's how I feel.
An exasperated feeling of hopelessness. Every night I when I think about what I've done during the day, I come to the conclusion that I don't have what it takes to get where I want to go. Then I sleep.
When I wake up the next morning I'm invigorated, on fucking top of the world. Then start writing, and then the rest of the day is the slow descent towards that same conclusion again.
And when I'm done with the script, Then what? Even if it's a fucking masterpiece, no one will be interested. Where the fuck is all this going? A career in teaching?
Feck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|01:44 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Kanye West - Gone (Feat. Consequence & Cam'Ron) | ] |
Returning from the liquor store on new years eve, i'm one life experience richer, and fifty flirt-points poorer. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|12:25 am] |
| [ | music |
| | A Silver Mount Zion - God Bless Our Dead Marines | ] |
Today i worked assistant camera/focus puller on the most scandalous music video i've been part of. I mean, a lot of videos have sexy girls who are dressed classy or sophisticated, but there's nothing classy or sophisticated with black latex dresses and push up bras that make the boobs stick out more than up. I wonder if she just had really low self esteem, or if she liked it. Either way, it was really sexist and thinking about it makes me kind of sad.
Can't wait to show you the video though, the camera work (and focus pulling!) was brilliant. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|04:02 am] |
For the past two years, with exceptions very few and far between, i've fallen asleep alone. Falling asleep alone fucking sucks. I know other people have worse problems and all, but i really fucking hate being alone. Not that I'm lonely, but i fucking HATE being alone. I think it could kill the best of people.
It's comforting to know, that the only thing worse than falling asleep alone is lying awake all night alone. But at least that doesn't happen very often.
If you're one of those people who consistently get to sleep next to, or lie awake next to someone you like, or love, i hope you realize how lucky you are. Or even if you get to do it more than once a year.
Being alone fucking sucks.
I'm making lists and shit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2007|06:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Les Savy Fav - Raging In The Plague Age | ] |
So i'm writing this script about a boy who killed someone at a very young age, and then it got highly publicized in the media. Lo and behold, that's exactly what the biggest news story in Sweden is right now.
Research? I feel sick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2007|08:53 pm] |
Decathlon = pain.
i did horrible...maybe next year. |
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| I had the most bizarre experience last night. |
[Sep. 15th, 2007|08:40 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Kammerflimmer Kollektief - Equilibrium | ] |
I was having a nightmare about having coffee with james caan, and i told him that bottle rocket was his best film, and then we both screamed out in pain. at that very moment i wake up from miso the cat jumping on me and hitting me in the face. i have a long gash on my nose now.
today i worked on the first good music video i've worked on for a while, but i left early because i feel very sick and have a decathlon in the morning. i hope the sickness goes away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|01:28 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Messer Chups - Депрдепрдепрессиве | ] |
Perfect drunk mode:
NOW! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2007|01:13 am] |
There's a fascinating odor emanating from my kitchen sink. I can't quite place what it is.
It might be time to do the dishes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|06:17 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | NAVE! - Beyond and Over | ] |
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